This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes:

If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing:

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead:

This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh:

This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay:

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks:

A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever:

Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it:

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it’s true!!!

Technorati Tags: Men, terminology, think, Women

Best wises to all of you for a prosperous and profitable new year.

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    | |_| |/ _` | '_ \| '_ \| | | |
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         | |\  |  __/\ V  V /
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         \ \ / /__  __ _ _ __
          \ V / _ \/ _` | '__|
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Sharing a few jokes on new year resolution and depression with you…

Quit smoking

Rakesh: Hi Raj, please give me a cigarette.

Raj: I thought you made a new year resolution to quit smoking.

Rakesh: I did. I am in the process of Qutting. I can’t do it
overnight. I have taken a phased approach. Phase one is
ongoing. To be honest, I am quite successful at it.

Raj: And, What is Phase One?

Rakesh: I have quit buying.

A depressed man

There’s a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays
like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver
steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it
all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was
just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand
seeing a man crying.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall
asleep, and I’m late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires
me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was
stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home
and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards
there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get
there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and
come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my
life, you show up and drink my poison.”

Technorati Tags: driver, joke, jokes, life, office, Subprime, think, wife

Husband: Its all about important and not so important decisions.  I take all Important Decisions, my wife takes all not so important Decisions.

Me:      And, what are not so imporant decisions?

Husband:
Red tie or Black tie?
My son goes to which school?
Where do we go to dine?
Should we have pizzas or Pasta?
Buy a 32” TV or 51” TV?
Which car should we buy?

Me: (Thinking What’s Pending)

And, what are Important Decisions?

Husband: 
There are many things for me to think upon right now!
Foreign Affiars!
How to deal with Terrorism!

Technorati Tags: car, marriage, think, wife

He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there. 

To Kill time he decides to have fun with him.

He calls him.

Senior Manager – (Asks canteen boy) : How much do you earn?

Canteen boy smiles…

Senior Manager – what are your future plans?

Canteen boy keeps quiet…

Senior Manager – where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?

Canteen boy gives a cold stare.

Senior Manager – Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch nahi tha….
Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai…
naam hai……….,
shohrat hai………,
paisa hai…………
Izzat Hai………….,
tumhare paas kya hai?

What would be his answer?
Don’t think that he answered like Shashi Kapoor of Deewar ki “Mere paas Maa hain”

The answer is…..

Canteen boy – Sa’ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai….

Senior Manager leaves the cafeteria silently…..

Technorati Tags: Manager, think

Imagine…….

If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end
up owing you money?

If it’s zero degrees outside today, and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow,
would the degrees still be zero?

Why is it called building when it is already built?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

If you drop a chameleon in water, will it turn clear?

If tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

If all the world is a stage where is the audience sitting?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you’re not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become
disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are debarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians
can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, dry cleaners
depressed?

Why is it if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will
believe them but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it
to be sure?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

I thought how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older,
then it dawned on me …they are cramming for their final exams.

I thought how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered
what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the post Office? Are we supposed to
write to them? Why don’t they put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailman
could look for them while delivering the mail?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

P.S. “Today is a gift, that’s why it is called the present.”

Technorati Tags: think