Best wises to all of you for a prosperous and profitable new year.

     _   _
    | | | | __ _ _ __  _ __  _   _
    | |_| |/ _` | '_ \| '_ \| | | |
    |  _  | (_| | |_) | |_) | |_| |
    |_| |_|\__,_| .__/| .__/ \__, |
                |_|   |_|    |___/
          _   _
         | \ | | _____      __
         |  \| |/ _ \ \ /\ / /
         | |\  |  __/\ V  V /
         |_| \_|\___| \_/\_/

         __   __
         \ \ / /__  __ _ _ __
          \ V / _ \/ _` | '__|
           | |  __/ (_| | |
           |_|\___|\__,_|_|

Sharing a few jokes on new year resolution and depression with you…

Quit smoking

Rakesh: Hi Raj, please give me a cigarette.

Raj: I thought you made a new year resolution to quit smoking.

Rakesh: I did. I am in the process of Qutting. I can’t do it
overnight. I have taken a phased approach. Phase one is
ongoing. To be honest, I am quite successful at it.

Raj: And, What is Phase One?

Rakesh: I have quit buying.

A depressed man

There’s a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays
like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver
steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it
all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was
just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand
seeing a man crying.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall
asleep, and I’m late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires
me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was
stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home
and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards
there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get
there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and
come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my
life, you show up and drink my poison.”

Technorati Tags: driver, joke, jokes, life, office, Subprime, think, wife

The CEO organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for World Operations. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate
is Mr. Patel an Indian guy.

The CEO thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave.2000 people leave the room. Mr. Patel says to himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try.

The CEO asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Mr. Patel says to himself ‘ I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay.

What can happen to me?’ So he stays.

Then The CEO asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Mr. Patel says to himself, ‘I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?’ So he stays in the room.

Lastly, The CEO asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo – Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Mr. Patel says to himself, ‘I do not speak one word of Serbo – Croat but what do I have to lose?’ So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

The CEO joined them and said ‘Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo – Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.’

Calmly but quickly, Mr. Patel turns to the other candidate and says ‘kem chho?’

The other candidate answers ‘Hu majama, tu bol?’ ….

Technorati Tags: Confidence, conversation, experience, joke, language, life, management, Patel, situation