__  __
 __/\__  |  \/  | ___ _ __ _ __ _   _   __/\__
 \    /  | |\/| |/ _ \ '__| '__| | | |  \    /
 /_  _\  | |  | |  __/ |  | |  | |_| |  /_  _\
   \/    |_|  |_|\___|_|  |_|   \__, |    \/
                                |___/
  ____ _          _     _
 / ___| |__  _ __(_)___| |_ _ __ ___   __ _ ___
| |   | '_ \| '__| / __| __| '_ ` _ \ / _` / __|
| |___| | | | |  | \__ \ |_| | | | | | (_| \__ \
 \____|_| |_|_|  |_|___/\__|_| |_| |_|\__,_|___/

        ___
       /   \
       \   /
  _     | |     _
 / \____| |____/ \
 |  ____   ____  |
 \_/    | |    \_/
        | |
        | |
        | |
        | |
        | |
        | |
        | |
        | |
        |_|

Blackmail

Little Johnnie desperately wanted a bright red wagon for Christmas.

His friends were writing letters to Santa Claus, but Johnnie decided to go one better.

“Dear Jesus,” he wrote. “If I get a red wagon for Christmas, I won’t fight with my brother Hank for a year.” Then Johnnie thought, Oh, no, Hank is such a brat, I could never, ever keep that promise. So Johnnie threw away the letter and started again.

“Dear Jesus, if I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will eat all my vegetables for a year.” Then Johnnie thought, Oh, no, that means spinach, broccoli and asparagus. Yuck! I could never ever keep that promise.

Suddenly Johnnie had an idea.

He went downstairs to the living room. From the mantel above the fireplace, he grabbed the family’s statue of the Virgin Mary. Taking the statue to the kitchen he wrapped it in newspapers and stuffed it into a grocery bag. He took the bag upstairs to his room, opened the closet and placed the package in the farthest, darkest corner.

He then closed the closet door, took a new sheet of paper and wrote, “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”

Stolen Goose

Confessor: I have stolen a fat goose from a poultry yard!

Priest: That is very wrong.

Confessor: Would you like to accept it, Father?

Priest: Certainly not- return it to the man whom you stole it from.

Confessor: But I have offered it to him and he won’t have it.

Priest: In that case you may keep it yourself.

Confessor: Thank you, Father.

The Priest arrived home to find one of his geese had been stolen…

The Atheist and the Shark

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He’s scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, “Oh God! Save me!”

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, “You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?”

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can’t lie the man replies, “Well, that’s true I don’t believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?”

The Lord replies, “As you wish,” and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, “Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive…”

Technorati Tags: almighty, jokes, mythology

When you came into the world, she held you in her arms. You thanked her by wailing
like a banshee.

When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you. You thanked herby crying all
night long.

When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk. You thanked her byrunning away
when she called.

When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love. You thanked her by
tossing your plate on the floor.

When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons You thanked herby coloring
the dining room table.

When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays. You thanked her by
plopping into the nearest pile of mud.

When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school. You thanked her by screaming,
“I’M NOT GOING!”

When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball. You thanked her by throwing
it through the next-door-neighbor’s window.

When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream. You thanked her by dripping
it all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never
even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastics to
one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and
never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to themovies. You thanked
her by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked
her by waiting until she left the house.

Those teenage years…

When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked her by
telling her she had no taste.

When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by forgetting
to write a single letter.

When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked her by
having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, she taught you how to driver her car. You thanked her by taking
it every chance you could.

When you were 17, she was expecting an important call. You thanked her by being
on the phone all night.

When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by staying
out partying until dawn.

Growing old and gray…

When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus, carried
your bags. You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be
embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone. You thanked her by saying,
“It’s none of your business.”

When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future. You thanked her
by saying, “I don’t want to be like you.”

When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation. You thanked her by
asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.

When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment You thanked her
by telling your friends it was ugly.

When you were 24, she met your fiance and asked about your plans for thefuture You
thanked her by glaring and growling, “Muuhh-ther, please!”

When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you
how deeply she loved you You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby You thanked her by telling
her, “Things are different now.”

When you were 40, she called to remind you of an relative’s birthday You thanked
her by saying you were “really busy right now.”

When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her You thanked her
by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

And then, one day, she quietly died …And everything you never did came crashing
down like thunder.

“Rock me baby, rock me all night long.” The hand who rocks the cradle…may rock
the world”.

Let us take a moment of the time just to pay tribute/show appreciation to the person
called MOM though some may not say it openly to their mother There’s no substitute
for her Cherished every single moment.
Though at times she may not be the best of friends, may not agree to our thoughts,
she is still your mother!!! She will be there for you…to listen to your woes,
your braggings, your frustations, etc Ask yourself…..have you put aside enough
time for her, to listen to her “blues” of working in the kitchen, her tiredness???
Be tactful,

loving and still show her due respect .

I LUV U, MOM!

Technorati Tags: MOM, mother, mummy

What is greater than God,
More evil than the Devil,
The poor have it,
The rich need it,
And if you eat it, you will die?
(80% of Kindergarten Students solved this right away while only 17% of Oxford Students
were able to solve it).See below for the answer

Answer is HERE……

The answer is “NOTHING”

NOTHING is greater than God.
NOTHING is more evil than the devil.
The poor have NOTHING.
The rich need NOTHING.
And if you eat NOTHING, you will die.

Technorati Tags: almighty, god, mythology

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it.

If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat with the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?” The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?!”

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed,” Where is God?!”

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,

“We are in BIG trouble this time.”

**…………………………**
**…………………….**
**………………**
**…………..**
**…..**
**..**
**..**
**..*
** – *

**GOD is missing,

and they think

we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Technorati Tags: almighty, god, preacher

ॐ नमः शिवाय!

श्री सरस्वतेय  नमः!

जय श्री बहुचाराजी माता!

जय श्री उमियाजी माता!

Hindu mythology gives utmost importance to Lord Ganesha.

All good work should begin whith His name. We show the same respect to the almighty deity, without whose presence, we would not have been capable of anything.

May God bestows all the craved happiness.

Technorati Tags: almighty, god, hindu, mythology