This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes:

If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing:

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead:

This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh:

This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay:

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks:

A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever:

Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it:

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it’s true!!!

Technorati Tags: Men, terminology, think, Women

Software Engineers are striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs.

The Universe is trying to produce bigger and better idiots.

So far,
the Universe is winning…

Technorati Tags: engineer, programming, software

I am sure he would have taken very long pages to prove that E=MC²,
but here is a one page equation for E=MC³

Σ

Rotate by 90° → M

So,

Σ = M      —(1)

Rotate by Anoter 90° → ∃

So,

M = ∃

But, we know, From the Set theory,

∀ X, X ⊂ X

Hence,

M ⊂ ∃     —(2)

From 1 and 2,

Σ = M ⊂ ∃

E=MC³

Note: Please avoid religious war if you can see some smile out of this equation…

Technorati Tags: Albert Einstein, equation, theory

2) U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u sneeze u ll say HUTCH

3) U can bcome an engineer if u study in engineering college. U cannot bcom a president if u study in Presidency College

4) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop … u cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop

5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a software engineer cannot bcom a software

6) U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world in world cup

7) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard.

Technorati Tags: engineer, mother, software

Imagine…….

If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end
up owing you money?

If it’s zero degrees outside today, and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow,
would the degrees still be zero?

Why is it called building when it is already built?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

If you drop a chameleon in water, will it turn clear?

If tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

If all the world is a stage where is the audience sitting?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you’re not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become
disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are debarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians
can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, dry cleaners
depressed?

Why is it if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will
believe them but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it
to be sure?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

I thought how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older,
then it dawned on me …they are cramming for their final exams.

I thought how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered
what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the post Office? Are we supposed to
write to them? Why don’t they put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailman
could look for them while delivering the mail?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

P.S. “Today is a gift, that’s why it is called the present.”

Technorati Tags: think

When you came into the world, she held you in her arms. You thanked her by wailing
like a banshee.

When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you. You thanked herby crying all
night long.

When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk. You thanked her byrunning away
when she called.

When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love. You thanked her by
tossing your plate on the floor.

When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons You thanked herby coloring
the dining room table.

When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays. You thanked her by
plopping into the nearest pile of mud.

When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school. You thanked her by screaming,
“I’M NOT GOING!”

When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball. You thanked her by throwing
it through the next-door-neighbor’s window.

When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream. You thanked her by dripping
it all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never
even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastics to
one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and
never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to themovies. You thanked
her by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked
her by waiting until she left the house.

Those teenage years…

When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked her by
telling her she had no taste.

When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by forgetting
to write a single letter.

When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked her by
having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, she taught you how to driver her car. You thanked her by taking
it every chance you could.

When you were 17, she was expecting an important call. You thanked her by being
on the phone all night.

When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by staying
out partying until dawn.

Growing old and gray…

When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus, carried
your bags. You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be
embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone. You thanked her by saying,
“It’s none of your business.”

When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future. You thanked her
by saying, “I don’t want to be like you.”

When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation. You thanked her by
asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.

When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment You thanked her
by telling your friends it was ugly.

When you were 24, she met your fiance and asked about your plans for thefuture You
thanked her by glaring and growling, “Muuhh-ther, please!”

When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you
how deeply she loved you You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby You thanked her by telling
her, “Things are different now.”

When you were 40, she called to remind you of an relative’s birthday You thanked
her by saying you were “really busy right now.”

When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her You thanked her
by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

And then, one day, she quietly died …And everything you never did came crashing
down like thunder.

“Rock me baby, rock me all night long.” The hand who rocks the cradle…may rock
the world”.

Let us take a moment of the time just to pay tribute/show appreciation to the person
called MOM though some may not say it openly to their mother There’s no substitute
for her Cherished every single moment.
Though at times she may not be the best of friends, may not agree to our thoughts,
she is still your mother!!! She will be there for you…to listen to your woes,
your braggings, your frustations, etc Ask yourself…..have you put aside enough
time for her, to listen to her “blues” of working in the kitchen, her tiredness???
Be tactful,

loving and still show her due respect .

I LUV U, MOM!

Technorati Tags: MOM, mother, mummy

I LOVE YOU in many languages.

Afrikaans – Ek het jou lief
Albanian – Te dua
Arabic – Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic – Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian – Yes kez sirumen
Bambara – M’bi fe

Bangla – Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi
Belarusian – Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya – Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian – Obicham te
Cambodian – Soro lahn nhee ah
Cantonese Chinese – Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan – T’estimo
Cheyenne – Ne mohotatse

Chichewa – Ndimakukonda
Corsican – Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creol – Mi aime jou
Croatian – Volim te
Czech – Miluji te
Danish – Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch – Ik hou van jou
Esperanto – Mi amas vin
Estonian – Ma armastan sind

Ethiopian – Afgreki’
Faroese – Eg elski teg
Farsi – Doset daram
Filipino – Mahal kita
Finnish – Mina rakastan sinua
French – Je t’aime, Je t’adore
Gaelic – Ta gra agam ort
Georgian – Mikvarhar

German – Ich liebe dich
Greek – S’agapo
Gujarati – Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon – Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian – Aloha wau ia oi
Hebrew – Ani ohev otah (to female)
Hebrew – Ani ohev et otha (to male)
Hiligaynon – Guina higugma ko ikaw

Hindi – Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong – Kuv hlub koj
Hopi – Nu’ umi unangwa’ta
Hungarian – Szeretlek
Icelandic – Eg elska tig
Ilonggo – Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian – Saya cinta padamu

Inuit – Negligevapse
Irish – Taim i’ ngra leat
Italian – Ti amo
Japanese – Aishiteru
Kannada – Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan – Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili – Nakupenda
Konkani – Tu magel moga cho

Korean – Sarang Heyo
Latin – Te amo
Latvian – Es tevi miilu
Lebanese – Bahibak
Lithuanian – Tave myliu
Malay – Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam – Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Mandarin Chinese – Wo ai ni
Marathi – Me tula prem karto

Mohawk – Kanbhik
Moroccan – Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl – Ni mits neki
Navaho – Ayor anosh’ni
Norwegian – Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan – Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan – Inaru Taka
Papiamento – Mi ta stimabo

Persian – Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin – Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish – Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese – Eu te amo
Romanian – Te ubesk
Roman Numerals – 333
Russian – Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic – Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian – Volim te

Setswana – Ke a go rata
Sign Language – ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing’I Love You’)
Sindhi – Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux – Techihhila
Slovak – Lu`bim ta
Slovenian – Ljubim te
Spanish – Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili – Ninapenda wewe

Swedish – Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German – Ich lieb Di
Tagalog – Mahal kita
Taiwanese – Wa ga ei li
Tahitian – Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil – Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu – Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai – Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai – Phom rak khun (to female)

Turkish – Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian – Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu – mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese – Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese – Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh – ‘Rwy’n dy garu
Yiddish – Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba – Mo ni fe

Technorati Tags: love

What is greater than God,
More evil than the Devil,
The poor have it,
The rich need it,
And if you eat it, you will die?
(80% of Kindergarten Students solved this right away while only 17% of Oxford Students
were able to solve it).See below for the answer

Answer is HERE……

The answer is “NOTHING”

NOTHING is greater than God.
NOTHING is more evil than the devil.
The poor have NOTHING.
The rich need NOTHING.
And if you eat NOTHING, you will die.

Technorati Tags: almighty, god, mythology

(Few of the lines are offensive)

English is not designed to be a perfect technical language.
e.g
You are looking Fine.
Fine for parking.

What does Fine Convey?

People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to
communicate with their English speaking tourists.

See tge nessages below, and the wrong mening they coney.

Cocktail lounge:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a zoo:

PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD,
GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctor’s office:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:

COLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR
ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET
HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE
THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.

Technorati Tags: jokes

The ASCII characters have come togather and created very nice images…

See them and you will not believe your eyes how beautiful they can become.

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              _\          '\     {@}\Y/_{@} Y/
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These would look good as email signatures….

Technorati Tags: art, email signature